Thursday, October 27, 2011

Girls are Stupid, Boys are Somewhat Smart part 4

...and it moves on some more.  Now the topic shifts to the ever touchy subject of Marriage.  Even guys don't mind talking about this "used-to-be-hated subject matter" nowadays.  Well at the right time.  Don't bring it up while he's watching the game if you don't want your feelings to be hurt.  What?  It's true.

Part 4:

Now let’s say you’ve finally found that perfect guy.  He’s tall, clean cut, muscular and his wallet weighs more than he does.  Flawless.  Don’t do something stupid like immediately bring up the topic of marriage.  Marriage is a touchy subject nowadays.  It really isn’t how it used to be and how it was meant to be in this day and age.  Marriage is more closely related to being a trending style that comes and goes depending on the season.  Some people get married because it’s the “in” thing to do.  Then, guess what, they get divorced because it then becomes the next “in” thing to do.  It wasn’t meant to be treated like that.  Marriage, hate it or love it, is an idea that is only intended for those who have truly indeed found the “one”.  Not just the one that looks great in boxers or drives a Mercedes or the one that bought you those earrings that can reflect the heat of the sun.  But the one that will take care of you when you’re sick.  I mean really sick.  Not a small sniffle sick but you have colorful, very unappealing liquids leaking from different parts of you sick.  That’s real love.
Make sure that you really want to spend the rest of eternity with this guy.  Because he’s asking himself and everyone else he knows the exact same question.  That’s why he fainted when he got down on one knee.  The true value and reality of marriage finally sank in.  That’s much better than it sinking in after you’re already married.  It’s tough enough just considering waking up to the same person every single day until one of you dies without you pushing it on him.  Fact, yes there’s that word again; women initiate 70-75% of all divorces.  Pretty funny when you consider how much they push for marriage.  Make sure he is who you want to be with!  Furthermore don’t call off the wedding or threaten to file for a divorce over something extremely stupid.  It’s still pretty dumb, but it’s better to break up over something stupid then get a divorce over something stupid or someone stupid. 

Like I said before, marriage is not a dress or purse that you can return to the church you got it from just because you were smart enough to keep the receipt.  It takes work, dedication, an ass-load of compromise and oh yeah more and more work.  But just because it’s work shouldn’t mean it becomes a job.  You can quit a job, even call your boss a pathetic pervert before you storm out.  But you can’t quit your marriage.  Hopefully you don’t call your husband a pervert either.  It’s ok if he checks out your ass.  Trust me, you want him to.


To be continued...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Girls are Stupid, Boys are Somewhat Smart part 3

...and it goes on.  This portion will speak on whether Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now is better for you.  Yeah, You (I mean if you're a female).  It also gives a birds and the bees explanation about how 'Assholes' are born.  Spoiler: a stork has nothing to do with it.  Again, enjoy.

Part 3:

Next topic: Choosing Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.  Which one should you take?  That all depends not completely on your common sense level but also what you are looking for at that specific time in your life.  You might be at that stage when you’re ready to settle down, put a stop to all of the nightly clubbing and loose sex with complete strangers you’ve been having and pick just one guy.  One guy to spend the rest of your natural life together.  Just One.  Not one until you grow tired of him and find a seemingly better model for you to upgrade to.  No, just one.  Sorry.

Monday, October 17, 2011

"Sex $#!t"

More than just sex, I wanna give you my excess
This and that, Everything left over from past Ex’s

Things taken way back from unsent text’s
I hope to see a shooting star and make you my next wish

So much trust, I feel safe to enter unprotected
Remove our clothes and throw away the contraceptive

Before I proceed I must stop to give you a wet kiss
Down below, more than a meal, girl You’re the best dish

Your body squirming, my tongue got you grabbing your necklace
Made a move with my finger and your legs almost broke my neck disk

I signed my name right there cuz this ain’t no guest list
I should be the only one down here cuz they ain’t no guest lips

I come up for air like I’ve been under the deck ship
I pull out the sledgehammer because I’m about to wreck this

You grab my arm and I think maybe you don’t want to test this
But the provocative look in your eye says “Baby, come get this”

A low squeak escapes your lips and I find those wet hips
Because I want you to really feel it and they make the best grips

Every taste of your sweat makes me eager for the next sip
Your pelvic bone stinging against mine like a brand new latex whip

A long while later and I’m sure the neighbors heard the best of it
Tried some stuff that had you flopping around like a wet fish

We lie next to each other, bodies still pulsing, basking in our own sex mist
Nail marks in my back, teeth scars on my ear, I know you’ll never forget this

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Please, Please, Please


Overwhelming emotional state
Feelings of a crush I can’t mistake
I can’t deny my lust for you
Or wishing I were deep inside of you

Just seeing you takes my breath away
Get’s me lightheaded and I start to sway
The rush of adrenaline spurts and sprays
Through my body like scorching flames

Everything about you intrigues me
Your smile and your bright white teeth
Long blonde hair blowing oh so carefree
And those legs
Attached to those gorgeous feet
And my favorite pumps make me so horny

If I had them all they’d definitely complete me

Your skin so soft… slightly warm to the touch
I constantly wonder if you want to fuck
I’d make you love me so much
You’d turn psycho which is just my luck

You’d have access to a hot guy
Cars, money… and a bit of the sweet life too
Just as long as I can keep fucking you

I’m glad I’m not a stalker or a thief
Cuz I would have already been in your house
And have a few pairs of your panties

But sometimes I think it could be easy for me
Stepping across the line and going crazy
Meeting you at a sultry hideaway
So we can fuck and fuck and fuck the night away

Bend you over my knee while I make you whisper
Please, please, please
Just keep fucking me
by Phillip Michael

Girls are Stupid, Boys are Somewhat Smart part 2

...and we continue on.  This second part focuses more on the non-necessity that is drama and the even more needlessness (I think that's a word) of it being present in a relationship.  If you want that relationship to last anyways.  Enjoy.

Part 2:

Back tracking to using your common sense about making the right choice, all I want to say is this: USE IT! That is why God provided us with it.  You have plenty of other attributes that He also gave you to use for other things.  You want a college degree? Use that part of the brain that controls intelligence.  You want to go running?  Use your legs.  You want to coerce you dude into doing something for you?  Bat your eyelashes, use your “sweet” asking voice, your unfair right to withhold sex and the power of your precious vagina.  You want to keep a good man?  Don’t make petty excuses not to keep him like his hair grows funny or he doesn’t have a specific job or he snores in his sleep.  I’m pretty sure you snore in your sleep too but he doesn’t tell you because he knows it might make you feel self conscious about yourself.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Girls are Stupid, Boys are Somewhat Smart

First of a six part piece discussing my thoughts on females and common sense.  Feel free to comment about any and everything.  Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm close minded so I hope that you read with an open one.

Part 1:

Yes, the title does say that and yes, I did come up with it all by myself.  But no, I do not exactly mean what the title says.  Well, to an extent.  You see when I say that “Girls are Stupid”, and I’ve used that phrase plenty of times in my existence, I don’t exactly mean all females are blithering idiots.  This has nothing to do with basic and pure intelligence.  I’m not questioning your smarts because you may have failed to do substantially well on that rather easy open-book exam back in high school.  What I am questioning, again only to an extent, is the female level of pure and basic common sense.  Common sense and intelligence are of two different categories. 
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