Thursday, October 20, 2011

Girls are Stupid, Boys are Somewhat Smart part 3

...and it goes on.  This portion will speak on whether Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now is better for you.  Yeah, You (I mean if you're a female).  It also gives a birds and the bees explanation about how 'Assholes' are born.  Spoiler: a stork has nothing to do with it.  Again, enjoy.

Part 3:

Next topic: Choosing Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.  Which one should you take?  That all depends not completely on your common sense level but also what you are looking for at that specific time in your life.  You might be at that stage when you’re ready to settle down, put a stop to all of the nightly clubbing and loose sex with complete strangers you’ve been having and pick just one guy.  One guy to spend the rest of your natural life together.  Just One.  Not one until you grow tired of him and find a seemingly better model for you to upgrade to.  No, just one.  Sorry.

No?  Not at that point in your life yet?  You’re young, super hot and have a sexual drive that would make Jenna Jameson jealous?  Then you want the Right Now guy.  The guy that is only into you for sex and is probably sleeping with at least a couple of your friends behind your trusting back.  Maybe you’re at that other point in your life.  Oh, you didn’t know there was a third one, did you?  The professional point when you’re focusing on your career and have no time for a guy, unless of course you need that very detailed itch scratched a few times.  I think the Right Now guy fits this category as well but for good measure we’ll mix in a smidgen of Mr. Right in there so he’s not banging your friends.

You need to pick one.  You need to pick one and you need to let him know exactly what your intentions are.  Just like how you think and feel that it is such a cop out for him to be prick and lead you on, the same goes for you.  Believe it or not, he has feelings too.  “Holy Crap Sean, are you freaking serious?!”  Yes, I know it’s a shock and you couldn’t fathom anyone with a penis possibly thinking with that thing that pushes blood through the rest of their body that lives in his chest but it does happen.  On those rare occasions when the moon turns a pale color of silver and the stars align in the night sky and we’ll all be able to drive vehicles that run on gasoline, things like this happen.  

Guys actually use their feelings and not their dicks to make decisions.  Feelings aren’t always the best to make a decision, thus the need for this article but there are very precious instances when you should actually believe him when he looks you in the eye, holds your hand and says, “I Love You”.  You should really believe him if you wake up the next morning and he is still lying in bed next to you.  You really, really believe him if he is cuddling with you.

All I’m trying to say is let them know.  Don’t make them think they spent all of this time…and money (having a girlfriend is sometimes like having an extra bill to pay) going out of their way to not treat you like a bitch and you turn around and treat them, yeah, like you’re a Bitch.  It’s very disappointing and only makes it harder for the next woman that comes around to not get treated like crap.  Then you wonder where all of these horrible assholes are coming from.  You! 

Assholes do not materialize out of thin air.  They are born, mainly because they put their heart and soul into someone who they thought were special and they got kicked to the side like that person was trying to win the Super Bowl on a last minute field goal.  It’s the common case of the trickle-down effect.  You get treated badly so you treat the next person even worse.  It can also be referred to as the domino effect, whichever you’d like to call it.  Either way, it’s risky, stupid and just downright mean.  So don’t be a bitch because they really suck.

To be continued...

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