Sunday, March 24, 2013

Meanie


Have you ever been an asshole?
I have
You know, making folks feel bad
And not caring or giving two you-know-what’s
While you’re doing it

I don’t think I’ve ever done it on purpose
But I have done it
I made some people question their choices
Caused others to think they’ve done something horrible to me
Made the rest wonder why they even chose to say hello in the first place

But again, it isn’t on purpose
I try to be nice
Well, nicer
Lately
But with a certain sense of confidence now

You see, some time ago
I used to want everyone to like me
Men, Women, Children, newborns, fetuses
I mean EVERY one
I sought after their approval
Wanted to make them smile
Brighten up their day

But I realized
I couldn’t do it
Not all the time anyway
I couldn’t meet everyone’s approval
I don’t think I’m meant to

Once I realized this
I stopped worrying
I quit agonizing
I ceased the over-thinking

And I just lived
My
Life

The way I wanted to
The way that made me feel at least half how I was supposed to
Be living it

I please some people
I don’t please others
The rest may be plotting my death as I write this
But hey, that’s life right?
That
Is
Life

Nowadays, the only people who I seek approval from
Are the ones that matter the most to me
I still don’t always make them happy either
As a matter of a fact
I can make their feelings Cringe sometimes
With only my words
And
Not
Even
Realize
It

The difference between hurting these people and hurting others
Nowadays
I actually feel bad
Like really, really bad
Horrible

So as I grow, mature
And try to be brave enough to not hold onto the handrails during this
Rollercoaster ride that we call life
I will try to own up to my mistakes

If I have hurt you, ever
And you matter to me (these people know who they are)
I say this
To you

I’m Sorry
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