Meanie

Have you ever been an asshole?

I have

You know, making folks feel bad

And not caring or giving two you-know-what’s

While you’re doing it

I don’t think I’ve ever done it on purpose

But I have done it

I made some people question their choices

Caused others to think they’ve done something horrible to me

Made the rest wonder why they even chose to say hello in the first place

But again, it isn’t on purpose

I try to be nice

Well, nicer

Lately

But with a certain sense of confidence now

You see, some time ago

I used to want everyone to like me

Men, Women, Children, newborns, fetuses

I mean EVERY one

I sought after their approval

Wanted to make them smile

Brighten up their day

But I realized

I couldn’t do it

Not all the time anyway

I couldn’t meet everyone’s approval

I don’t think I’m meant to

Once I realized this

I stopped worrying

I quit agonizing

I ceased the over-thinking

And I just lived

My

Life

The way I wanted to

The way that made me feel at least half how I was supposed to

Be living it

I please some people

I don’t please others

The rest may be plotting my death as I write this

But hey, that’s life right?

That

Is

Life

Nowadays, the only people who I seek approval from

Are the ones that matter the most to me

I still don’t always make them happy either

As a matter of a fact

I can make their feelings Cringe sometimes

With only my words

And

Not

Even

Realize

It

The difference between hurting these people and hurting others

Nowadays

I actually feel bad

Like really, really bad

Horrible

So as I grow, mature

And try to be brave enough to not hold onto the handrails during this

Rollercoaster ride that we call life

I will try to own up to my mistakes

If I have hurt you, ever

And you matter to me (these people know who they are)

I say this

To you

I’m Sorry

Suicidal Thoughts

I hate it

I hate every ounce of it

Yeah, everyone has their problems

But my life, it ain’t worth shit

I ask for one thing

True and pure happiness

But instead it feels like  that guy

In the movie: The Pursuit of Happyness

Already constantly feeling like crap

All I get is more misery

Every time my phone rings

Seems like bad stuff is happening deliberately

But I have a solution

A real quick fix to make it all stop

A knife across the throat

Or perhaps a gun to my temple, one quick pop

I don’t care anymore

I’m sure I’ll go straight to hell

For taking God’s greatest gift

And throwing it down that dark well

There are other ways you know

Like bottles of pills or trying to take flight

That last one seems very fitting

Since I’ve always been afraid of heights

I only hear from folks when they need something

They won’t miss my boring personality

It’ll be like nothing ever happened

Same old, just another statistic actually

Not a great swimmer

So maybe a drowning will get the job done

It’ll look like an accident

So my insurance money will still go to my son

All I ever wanted was one thing

And I’ve finally seemed to have found it

But I can’t have it everyday

So I think my life I will decisively quit

Those of you judging me

Claiming that I’m looking at an half empty cup

Have no idea what I’ve been through

So respectfully, you all can shut the Fuck up

Feeling helpless, feeling out of sorts

Thinking I should give this death thing a whirl

Can’t fix everyone’s problems

I really want to but I can’t save the entire world

So much on my shoulders

I’m so tired of carrying this burden alone

Feeling like even God doesn’t care

Wondering if He will ever answer the phone

There’s no relief in sight

People keep doing the opposite

They don’t listen to me, don’t get me

Being my friend should come with a prerequisite

Whatever any of you are saying

I could really care less

You’ll talk about me the most

After this bullet enters my chest

So I’m done talking, It’s time to sleep

But I promise you I won’t wake with the next dawn

I’m already constantly in the shadows

So you definitely won’t miss when I’m gone..

The Unicorn

There was a while there when I was afraid to approach you

A time when I only sought after you from a distance

Kept to myself because I didn’t want to frighten you away

To say that I was a silent hunter wouldn’t even be correct

Because the truth is I wasn’t hunting, I was merely admiring

Trying to take in everything that was you

I only say everything because if I was to take the time

To list each and everything about you that I love

We would both be old by the time I finished

But only you would remain as beautiful as you are now

There are different names to describe creatures as amazing as you

But only one seems fitting for you

Mythical, majestic, graceful and very difficult to catch

So I call you my Unicorn

Truly one of a kind, sights like you are very hard to come by

I bided my time hoping for a chance

And finally, eventually I got it

My Unicorn

I say it again because it’s still hard to believe

Hard to believe that you’re finally mine

Even as I still watch you, still smell you

Still hold you; I am still in awe of you

I still can’t believe that I actually have you

And even now I sometimes feel as if I don’t

Not because of anything you have done

But because reality says that as difficult as it was to catch you

It’s got to be 100 times harder to keep you

People say once you’ve caught a Unicorn

It’s not a Unicorn to you anymore

Since you have captured it, that desire you had will fade away

Until you find another one

I disagree

There aren’t any others out there

Not for me

I can’t see anything past you

There are legendary creations in this world

And I managed to catch the best one

There will never be another one like her

So to me, you are, and will always be…

                                                  …my Unicorn

Her

Her smile...

Her smile shines brighter than the sun, moon and every other star combined.

So bright that you would even be able to see them during the day. 

In fact they are so bright that you could honestly compare her teeth to a string of constellations that would make you wanna lay on the grass and just stare up at them all night.

Her lips...

Her lips are like diving into your bed after having the hardest day you've ever had in your life.

Then having that same bed change into a tropical vacation that lasts forever.

And those lips are always coated in lipgloss that just so happen to be the exact flavor fruit that you were craving that entire day.

Her skin...

Her skin is like a silk blanket that you would be afraid to wrap yourself in because you wouldn't want to ruin it with your own germs and body funk.

You just stroke it every so often to remind yourself of what heaven feels like.

Her eyes...

Looking into her eyes is like peering into pure beauty.

Beauty so pure that if it could be transferred into a drug, you wouldnt be able to afford it at its street value.

You'd be better off by-passing the easy to notice handshake you would give "that guy on the corner" and just go straight to the Colombian fields yourself and get the wholesale price from the Cartel dealer down there.

Bring it back to your place and cut it the way that you want.

But heres the thing,

                             you can't cut this kind of beauty.

It's already chopped and screwed just the way you want it.

That's what makes her so special, she's just the way you want her.

If you could take what she was and melt her down into a fiery ball of pretty, then take that same ball of raw gorgeous and mold it into whatever the most absolute flawless woman would be to you, you would simply find yourself with a finished product the same as what you began with.

You'd be nearly unable to determine a way to describe what she was exactly, but there is one name and only one name that just gets it right;

                                                                                 Nicole.

Spoken Truth